And here is the news…

(from the ‘Oh My God’ department of common sense)

Professor Allyson Pollock, director of Edinburgh University’s Centre for International Public Health Policy has produced a paper that has put forward the argument that scrums, in games of school rugby, should be banned.

Can I just point out that if you take the scrum out of the game of rugby, what you have left is no longer a game of rugby?

Can I also point out that the England Under 21 Rugby Team are going to get their collective arses wiped by even the Italians, if Professor Pillock Pollock gets her way?

Is this Health and Safety gone completely bonkers? Can our American cousins imagine a game of gridiron where the offence is not allowed to actually sack the quarterback?

Meanwhile, in other news, the serial media-botherers, Kate and Gerry McCann are going to meet the Home Secretary in a bid to get a new investigation in to the disappearance of their daughter.

On one hand I would object to any more British public money being spent on this case – simply because the disappearance occurred in a foreign country; Portugal.

However, on the other hand, I would like to see the McCanns get a new (British) investigation in to their daughter’s disappearance – but only if the investigation takes a long hard look at the abandonment of the McCann children by Kate and Gerry in the first place.

Abandonment of any child is a criminal offence and these people have not yet been charged with the crime.

So yes, let’s reopen the British investigation but let’s have the correct charges levied too – and the correct punishments because, by their own evidence, the McCanns abandoned all three of their children.

Lee Siegel, an American literary critic, has declared the age of American fiction to be dead. Has he not read the CIA’s report to GW Bush on ‘Weapons of Mass Destruction’ in Iraq?

Could anything underline the continued well-being of American fiction more than this pile of steaming horseshit work of fictional art?

Prime Minster Cameron has instructed Central Government departments to prepare for budget cuts of up to 40%. Yet strangely, we’re not hearing that the MP Expense Budget is to be cut by 40%.

We’re also not hearing that the number of MPs will be cut by 40%.

Hmmm…

Randoms

Don't mess with girls. Even though they can't spell

Yes it's me. No I don't usually dress like that. Not even on Sundays. I was an actor in a film. Get over it.

That's me on the left. On the film set. Acting. Which means 'standing around all day doing nothing'

What horses get up to.

The Feast Last Night

After a hard day in the gym yesterday we decided what better way to celebrate than having a massive feast… Sensible hey?

So as a side / starter we had a selection of random “Indian” food:

More accurately:
2 x Large Onion Bhaji
2 x Large Chicken Tikka Samosa
1 x Chicken Kathi Kebab
5 x Poppadom

Probably enough of a meal on its own, but no important to add the main course:

A massive pizza, well half Pepperoni and half Chicken, with some garlic bread.

No wonder I felt like I was going to explode for the rest of the night! Beer didn’t help the digestion either

Who wants in next time? @nickobeano and @chiefinho up for it again?

Dumpage

Lists!

Lists!

Lists!

Skin = EVIL

Must must *must* be good and wash and cleanse and tea-tree oil it up EVERY night.

Teeth.

Must must must put on mouthguard before bed.  But after cleaning teeth.

But not before sex.  That’s not right.  Unless you are slightly kinky.

Remember (remember, remember, remember…FAME! I wanna live forever…)

Sorry, distracted then…

<time passes>

Oh no!  I have actually forgotten what I was going to tell myself to remember.

That sucks.

Having long nails and unchewed skin around the fingers = GOOD.

Oh yes, remember that you always feel great when you’ve had a gym session.

Ignore the premonition that you will ache tomorrow and forget the immediate post-gym high.

Don’t eat everything.

You don’t have to read everything.

Everything should be removed from your vocabulary.

No, let me make that more grammatically correct:

The word ‘everything’ should be removed from your vocabulary.

Eating to excess = NOT GOOD.

Remember what the guru of all things, Mr Paul McKenna, says:

1)    Eat when you are hungry (ridiculous – I am always hungry – but remember, Paul knows that you will scoff and say such a thing, and he will tell you to learn to recognise what you body is telling you – are you hungry?  Really?  Well then, eat.  But if you just feel like shit, go do something else instead – like the 80s kids TV show ‘Why Don’t You’ advised).

2)    Eat what you want, not what you think you should (ridiculous – I will always want chocolate, cake and chips and not vegetables or fruit – but remember what Paul says? He knows that you will say that, and he quotes some 1950s experiment at you where lots of children were left to look after themselves with all types of foods available, and over the test period ate a balanced diet.)

3)    Enjoy every mouthful of food that you eat (ridiculous – do you know how stupid I look chewing everything slowly – and have you ever tried to chew porridge?? Seriously, it’s like rolling sick around in your mouth. Yeah yeah, “Paul says”…I know it works, but who has time to chew ffs?? Oh. Most people? Rightio).

4)    When you think you are full, stop eating (ridiculous – I want to finish that pricy meal my husband has splashed out on…and what about the starving children in Africa? Oh, right.  They won’t be eating my leftovers either.  OK, I’ll try.  But it won’t be easy – I was always taught to ‘clear the plate’ because then I’d get pudding…and I wonder why I have food issues…?!)

Anyway, that’s enough of this brain dumpage.

I really *really* need a wee now.

Bank Holiday Sunday

Why wouldn’t you have a bbq? It was such a lovely cold and wet day, how could we resist?

Bank Holiday Sunday

First course went down well, burger, sausage, some ribs and potato. Leave room for course two of lamb kebab, steak and another burger! Ace.

Another Scenery Shot

Afternoon By A Lake

Doing some tests here, so forgive me if this goes very wrong…

Smithy’s Rant

This is funny, partly because I know how much certain people hate James Corden, and partly because it is always good to see celebs taken down a peg.

Part of the Sports Relief show on Saturday night was a sketch done by James Corden, where he is pretending to be “Smithy”, who receives the Coach of the Year Award at Sports Personality. This then turns into a rant at the nations best athletes, well mainly rant, except for the flirting with Victoria Pendleton.

Some of them took it a lot better than others, Dame Kelly Holmes and Paula Radcliffe looked like they were going to cry / kill him. Freddie (I mean Andrew, but who cares?) Flintoff had a similar reaction, but from the work they have been doing together recently on Sky One he is either in on the gag and knew it was coming, or can’t have minded that much.

Nice timing on the Pendleton piece, she currently has a spot on our living room wall, she is the FHM calendar girl for March.

Thoughts?

Meanwhile, on the other side of the coin: Stalker alert!

I had a bad night last night due to *ahem* environmental difficulties

So as I was awake at 3am and, prodded by a podcast listener’s email asking about something I mentioned on last week’s show, I spent the early hours of the day in the company of google, facebook and linkedin, trying to answer the question ‘Whatever happened to…?’

John Deloach. Or is that John De Loach? Who knows.

John was a presenter on the radio station AFN SHAPE.

I used to listen to AFN SHAPE, and John in particular, whenever I was recalled ‘home’ to NATO’s No 4 Wing, 2nd Allied Tactical Air Force permanent base, from wherever in the world we’d been sent to, on yet another detachment.

I liked his microphone style and his personality.

I would have described John as an American version of Kenny Everett. Not as madcap as Kenny, John was still a long step away from his more mainstream colleagues.

And I’m not naive, I know that he had a set-list and an A and a B playlist, but it was obvious, from listening to his colleagues, that John mixed it up as best he could.

And the music was good; AFN SHAPE played more diverse music than any of the German or Benelux stations we could get on FM.

Anyway, my googling, facebooking and linkedining were mostly fruitless, but I did come across a four-year-old discussion, on Craigslist, that offered up an email address of someone who used to work with John when he moved from SHAPE to USAF Ramstein.

So maybe there’s a chance.

And what happens if that chance bears fruit?

I’m going to drop the guy a line and say ‘Hi John, you don’t know me but 250 years ago I used to listen to you on AFN Shape and…’?

Lame.

Lame, lame, lame, lame.

No, I’m not going to do that.

But, you know, I just want to *know* that he’s still around somewhere.

Still OK.

Still using that sense of humour of his.

That’s all.

And on this week’s podcast I’m going to play a snippet (maybe more) of the first track I heard John Deloach (John De Loach?) play on AFN SHAPE, all those centuries ago.

Oh yes.

And the music is still excellent, even after all these years.

Radley College Randomness

Sometimes funny things happen when you least expect them to (is that what makes them funny?).

I’ve recently been arranging pre-season Cricket nets for the club at one of the local colleges. I have selected to use Radley College as they have some of the best facilities in the area and because Straussy went there.

Radley College is over 150 years old, and very much set in its way. The cliché boys boarding school: no girls; lots of lessons; strange looking tutors; almost military discipline. Check out the grounds, oh yes they offer Golf as a sport and have their own course:

I would have gone there myself, but my hair is too long, and I quote:

No dyed or highlighted hair is allowed.

Hair should be kept neat, tidy and off the ears and collar at all times, but not excessively short.

Anyway, I digress from the story…

I emailed them earlier today, asking for confirmation of my booking after being told on the phone early last week that someone would get back to me ASAP with information. Nothing happened so I emailed. Now, I don’t know what goes on in Colleges like this, but the reply I got surprised me:

I told you about this lesbian just in case u cant remember, 3.30 down the road still, plus can drop off more leaflets and posters…..

It’s a lie, they didn’t tell me anything about lesbians, for a boys school this seems slightly off the cuff.