Parking mad

Apparently the law says that if you drive a Mercedes you can park anywhere you like on Sunday. This is in the heart of our Prime Minister’s constituency, yesterday. On double yellow lines. And on a pedestrian crossing wavy line.

Being driving around the bend

Madness can be brought on by a number of internal and external factors or pressures. It seems that BBC News are determined to become listed as one of the most significant external causes of madness of modern times. This morning there were two headlines on the front page of BBC News Online promoting different, self-important proclamations from that most discredited of British Prime Ministers, Tony Blair.

click for the big picture

Aaarrrrghhhhhh! The only *good* news from Team Blair in today’s media is that, because of the considerable trouble that the protesters in Dublin lobbed in his direction, Tony has said he might not attend any more book-signings. If Mr Blair follows up his words with actions (and how rare is that? Do we remember ‘Tough on crime, tough on the causes of crime’? Or how about ‘Education, education, education’?), anyway, if he decides *not* to do any more book-signings, we will have much to thank the people of Eire for.

Speaking of madness, the doomed nanny organisation, the Thames Valley Safer Roads Partnership (TVSRP), seems to be suffering from delusions of adequacy. The cause of the corporate mental aberration is the decision – by Oxfordshire County Council – to switch off all speed cameras in the county. Before we look at what these people have been saying, let’s just remind ourselves of a couple of salient points:

1. the speed limit in the city of Oxford is a massive 20mph at all times of the day – and night
2. the Thames Valley Safer Roads Partnership was established and run, at public expense, to manage, maintain and operate all of the (now switched off) speed cameras in Oxfordshire

TVSRP – and lets face it, they’re hardly an impartial observer on this matter – said earlier this month that the number of drivers speeding past Oxfordshire’s switched-off speed cameras had increased by up to 88% as a result of the switch off. My question is, if the cameras have been switched off… how would they know? How would they know the number of speeders has increased by up to 88%? And how would they know the cause for any incidence of speeding was as a result of the switch-off? And ‘increased *by up to*…? What does that mean? It seems to me that if this is the quality of corporate announcements that the TVSRP have been producing, the best thing that Oxfordshire County Council could have done was precisely what it has – stop their funding. Because in terms of quality of information, these statements are ridiculous. And to close these few thoughts, the complete and utter twats who *choose* to break the speed limit in Oxfordshire wouldn’t care if the cameras were switched on or not. I see them speeding down the 50mph section of the A34 every time I use it.

The death knell sounds for "safety" cameras

Hurray! Hurray! It’s a hap- hap- happy day! After spending four days in Loughborough, I finally returned to Oxford to be greeted by this headline in the local paper:

“Funding cuts see Oxfordshire speed cameras switched off

While cameras generate revenue from fines, the road safety partnership said any money went back to central government through the courts.“

For years, the police have been terrorising British drivers with these “safety” cameras in order to generate revenue for their own coffers. Get caught speeding, and a fine will land on your doorstep within two days, with payment being ruthlessly pursued. Ring the police because your house has been burgled and they will ask; “Did you see who did it? No? Sorry there is nothing we can do.” True story. It happened to me, and my story was broadcast on Radio 4’s programme ‘Any Questions?’ after I rang Jonathon Dimbleby to rant. Oh yeh, I can properly get on my soapbox when I want to.

So let’s look into the reasons why I can rant for England about “safety” cameras. Firstly, I have got 9 penalty points on my driving license, all for speeding. Blimey, on the face of it I sound like Clyde’s sidekick, Bonnie.

But I’m not, and that pisses me off. I am a good driver but my insurance premiums have gone through the roof because of three speeding fines where I was driving at 36mph in a 30mph zone or 54mph in a 50mph zone. You get the picture. 

Part of my problem lies with the blanket premise that ‘Speed Kills.’ Speed doesn’t kill, crashing does. A fast competent driver can be significantly safer than a slow dithery driver. By using speed cameras, the police are assuming that safety can be achieved by attacking a one dimensional aspect of driver behaviour, namely speed. Either that or they like the money generated by speeding fines.

Secondly, there is a plethora of evidence suggesting that “safety” cameras actually increase the incidence of accidents at the spots where they are installed (just type ’speed cameras cause accidents’ into Google). You’ve probably been there yourself. You are driving along, you see a camera at the side of the road and you look down to check your speedometer. Meanwhile, the car in front sees the camera and slams on the brakes, irrespective of what speed they are driving. The closest I have ever come to having a nasty accident was when I was riding a motorbike and the exact same scenario happened. So why do cameras still exist? Maybe the police like the revenue generated from the speeding fines?

Finally, another reason why “safety” cameras are a scandal, is because excessive speed is only a contributer in between 3-5% of accidents. Meanwhile, ‘driver error’ and a wish to ‘take shortcuts’ causes four out of five accidents. In light of this, why is so much time and effort put into catching speeding motorists rather than addressing the issue of driver error? Maybe it isn’t as easy to generate revenue from driver error.

The screwed-up brainwashing that we have been subjected to was perfectly summised in an article I read in the local newspaper a couple of weeks ago. A reader had written a letter saying that “the reduction of the speed limit from 30mph to 20mph in suburban areas of Oxford had not been a sucess because fewer motorists had been caught speeding.”

Is it me? Surely the pertinent statistic should have been the number of accidents in those areas, not the number of speeding motorists? Therein lies the problem.

So, what are your thoughts on speed cameras? Should they stay or should they go? Nom, nom, nom. I love this debate; let’s hear what you have to say.

A judge says… (some dubious things)

Whilst passing sentence on Sean Goodfellow and Murray McAllan, both found guilty of causing death by dangerous driving, temporary judge Kenneth McIver said, ‘As in many of these tragic driving deaths, issues are here raised as to the wisdom of allowing new drivers immediate, unrestricted and unconditional driving opportunity.’

The judge also said, ‘To drive at speeds in excess of 90mph on such a road is complete folly. To do so while engaging in a contest of speed, effectively a road race with another vehicle, is indescribably stupid and dangerous.’

Whilst I agree with His Honour Judge McIver as to the folly of racing on roads, I think that the DVLA and VOSA should be taking immediate steps to remove Judge McIver’s driving licence from him until he can demonstrate his knowledge, by passing a new test.

Why?

Because the speed limit on that stretch of road is not ‘unrestricted and unconditional,’ to use the Judge’s words.

It is 60mph.

So the Judge appears not to know that the speed on that road is 60mph, and the Judge appears to be unable to understand that these two foolish young men, who drove at speeds of up to 90mph along it, would have broken whatever restriction had been put in their way.

It also seems to me that (again, to use his own words) the Judge seems to believe that we have some roads in the UK that are ‘unrestricted and unconditional’.

This is also not the case.

Therefore the Judge, Mr McIver, should have his licence removed and should be compelled to take a retest with immediate effect; he has clearly demonstrated he does not know some of the most fundamental rules of the road.

Source

Ups, downs, lefts, rights and straight-aheads

Edited: Saturday times in

This Saturday Tom and I are competing again. If you’re in the Ascott-under-Wychwood/Burford/Charlbury area, the British Eventing One-Day-Event is free to spectators. There’ll be the usual on-site catering and the organisers are putting on a range of activities/things to see for children.

But the best things to watch will be the action in the show-jumping arena and out on the cross-country course.

Our times are:

We jumped brilliantly today; if we can keep everything as smooth in the show-jumping arena on Saturday as it was today, we’ll jump a careful but perfect double-clear. Here’s hoping!

Of course, it will be a different kettle of fish on the cross-country, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

In other news…

I have been impressed beyond belief with the way my Googlephone (Nexus One if you prefer) seamlessly plugs in to the full range of Google’s services. But yesterday, on my way to Cambridge, I accidentally discovered that it has SatNav built in to it.

I was in a motorway services, having a coffee and using Google Maps on the phone to double-check the location I was aiming for. And then I noticed a ‘Navigate’ button. I pressed it. After 2-3 seconds of looking at a ‘Fetching directions’ message, a disembodied female voice said ‘Turn left, then travel forward for half a mile then turn left and join the motorway’. And the screen displayed the typical GPS ‘directional’ display that has become so familiar to us all.

So I put the phone on the passenger seat and followed the instructions. And arrived, not too much later, at the front-door of my destination.

I’ve been playing with the SatNav feature in Google Maps today too. It really is simple to use.

I know what you’re thinking.

You’re thinking that this Old Welsh Fart(tm) has changed his mind and is going to get all hypocritical and be in favour of SatNav – a product he has raved and ranted against on more than one occasion.

You’re be wrong.

Using SatNav has made me realise just how dangerous it is.

1. SatNav has a screen with a moving display and it is a design intention that the vehicle driver looks at the screen. This means the driver taking his/her eyes off the road.
2. SatNav has a commentary, but when the commentary dries up – even if it is only because the commentary has nothing to tell you at the moment – the driver inevitably takes his/her eyes off the road to make sure the device is still working.
3. SatNav has the ability, I can clearly see, to stop the driver for thinking for him/herself. I am now completely unsurprised that so many ‘middle lane hoggers’ are SatNav users. They can only be sitting in the middle lane of the motorway because the SatNav has not told them to pull in to lane 1.
4. SatNav creates a dangerous situation whereby the driver stops giving 100% concentration to his/her driving, and instead, transfers a significant proportion of his/her concentration to SatNav, and that leads to situations like this.

There is a more trivial point for not liking SatNav: it doesn’t like my short-cuts through farmyards.

But it’s a thumbs-down for SatNav as we know it.

Thanks for the feedback!

I’d like to thank my mother for not practising birth control, and my agent, and my publicist…

Thank you for the comments on the vids, folks.  I’ve repositioned the camera (elevated the tripod neck and inclined the lens slightly, to compensate) which should improve things.

And I’ve cleaned the windscreen.

Well, I had the car washed.

I’m going to keep the setup just for motorway and ‘A’ roads, because today, on the way back from Northampton, I killed a bunch of really awful drivers.

Well no, I didn’t really kill them.

But I cocked my imaginary Browning Hi-Power 9mm (I love that pistol) and blew their heads off with my clinical marksmanship as I overtook their cars to get away from their rubbish, dangerous and highly illegal driving.

So bad drivers beware.

I am on your case.

I’m toying with registering a domain for this little idea.

Driven to distraction 3

The journey concludes with part 3 of 3. Obviously…

Part three of my drive from home to the stables, accompanied – on this leg – by one of the finest classical guitarists I’ve ever heard, Al Marconi.

And added birds.

I am going to reposition the camera – raise it higher but angle the lens downwards very slightly to compensate. And I will clean the windscreen before I try this technique again.

But all in all, I’d say the experiment was a success. How about you?

Driven to distraction 2

The journey continues with part 2 of 3…

Music by Norwegian Recycling, possibly the greatest mashup artist in the world.

Driven to distraction

Ages – months – ago, I said that if I could find a way to *safely* mount my video camera in the car, I’d give it a shot and film some motorway driving.

Just to give you all the same amount of sleepless nights that I get.

You might have thought I’d forgotten, but oh no, I’ve been thinking about it.

So here is my first experiment. I’ve split the journey up in to 3 parts, to break things up a little. And this is the first part.

I’ve underlaid the video with an audio bed because the audio pickup in the camera is getting some kind of squeaking noise – no, really, my car does not sound like that – which I think might be the auto focus in a state of continual adjustment.

And I need to make sure the windscreen is ultra clean in the future.

But here it is! (or part one, anyway):

People should not be allowed to drive!

We were in Witney’s Tesco Express, just a few moments ago, buying chocolate and other *cough* essential provisions.

The woman in front of us was called to be served, she gave the pump number that she’d filled her car up from.

And then she said, conversationally, ‘I had to go back out to look at the pump number because I didn’t have my glasses on’.

Let me tell you, my friend, the numbers on the pillars by the pumps, are REALLY FUCKING BIG!

I mean, if you stand at the till but you’re unable to read the number on the pillars, you are officially blind.

So this glasses-less lady paid for her petrol, walked back to her car, got in, started up and drove off…

WITHOUT PUTTING ANY GLASSES ON!

So, people of Witney, if you see a red Mini, registration number DE52 LTA, you should run for your lives because the woman driving it is probably AS BLIND AS A FUCKING BAT!